11.18.15 // Ten Years

I can not believe I've been partnered with Matt for ten years today. Ten years! Ten years ago, at the end of the school day, I asked him to help me babysit my brothers that evening. He agreed and my mom gave him a ride home before we headed home ourselves. I gave him a call later that evening having changed my mind about the whole babysitting ploy, only to show up at his front door an hour later. I'd been writing in my journal and had so many things stuck in my head and my heart that I had to get out and I didn't know how else to process them except to talk through them, and in that moment it occurred to me that Matt had to be just the person to listen. So there I was on that cold, snowy November evening, ringing his doorbell, hoping he hadn't made other plans, hoping he wouldn't mind listening to my teenage angst for a while. I was sixteen years old, and positively filled with angst.

He says he knew it was me at the door when he heard the bell. He ran to grab some cash in case we ended up getting coffee, and threw on his jacket. I asked him if he wanted to just take a walk with me for a while, and without hesitation he agreed and we headed out. This black and white photo is the earliest one taken of the two of us together. It was taken before that fateful evening, at a local youth group, with my dinky little camera while I was on one of my take-photos-with-strangers sprees. I asked this guy if he'd take a photo with me, and he said, "Only if I never have to see it." HA. Famous last words. It's so strange to think that we had no idea how legendary our lives were about to become.


He has since seen this photo about a hundred thousand times.

The evening of the historic walk was one I'll never forget. Here was this sweet, gentle, kind boy walking with me through the snow around town, listening to me vent about anything and everything. Boy troubles, friend troubles, school troubles, family drama. He was so calm and listened so well to everything I had to say. We walked all over town, at one point finding ourselves in the foyer of the town Mall to warm up for a bit, and then again inside the warm-up shack at the Nature Pond. It was there we talked about the really important stuff, the really deep and painful stuff, the stuff that made me cry in front of him; the stuff that made him cry in front of me.

We walked back to my house from there, and in the driveway he asked to cash in on a hug he'd turned down a month or two earlier. I'd been on yet another spree, roaming the halls of the high school with my friends giving out "free hugs." I'd offered him one, and much to my chagrin he replied, "No thanks," which I still do not even believe. I'm an excellent hugger. But now he was here, sweetly asking for it, and after the evening we'd just had, I couldn't deny him his request. Somehow over the course of two or three hours of talking and walking we'd become permanently fused together. We developed this strange and foreign bond that couldn't be explained or broken.

We spent almost every single day together after that.

And not just for a few months, or weeks. Every single day for the rest of time as we know it, right up until today. Every single day, with the exception of a missions trip here, some university learnin' there, we've been inseparable. Perhaps a little too codependent at times, but we are like two halves of a single organism and can't function properly without one another. It's crazy and overwhelming and passionate and rational and perfect in every way.

Here we are, around our first anniversary. We went out and saw the movie Happy Feet, and Matt took me to Build-a-Bear Workshop where I built a little stuffed penguin in a tuxedo. I told him once that I'd always wanted to go, and he remembered and took me. We also went out for dinner, and struggled thoroughly throughout the entire date with horrible traffic and construction throughout the city, and plans being rearranged and not working out. It was memorable, though.

The next year Matt was supposed to leave for University while I finished up high school, but he changed his mind to stick around town and work another year. He wanted to stay close to me, and really figure out whether he was going the right direction in school. He lived in a trailer with a bunch of roommates and worked while I graduated. I remember the heat was always off in the trailer because heating it was ridiculously expensive, and I remember snuggling under blankets on old second hand couches, and spending very little time there in general.

The year after that brought with it the heartache of Matt leaving for University, and my being stranded back in Altona working to make enough money to move to the city to be with him. It was crazy hard to be apart Monday to Friday, being so young and not knowing what real struggle is. Though the second part of that year saw me moving to Winnipeg on my own for the first time (with my best friend) and getting a job in the city and making it on my own, like a real grown up (I was only 19 at the time.) I have fountains of good memories of living in the city, going on city dates, and Matt crashing on my couch because it was so much closer to his school than his bed at his mom's place.

Here we are, celebrating our second and third anniversaries. Such little babies with no real responsibilities, sleeping in until noon most days, living off of pre-packaged stir fry and canned tuna. It was a simpler time...

Our fourth year was an eventful one. We moved in together, got engaged, and got married that year. Admittedly, it was all a bit hasty, and extremely busy, but we knew each other so well it just seemed like the natural next step.

I'd ramble on and on about our wedding, but honestly the more time passes the less important that day really seems to me. I'm not even sure we'd get married again given the choice, and might just have eloped or gone city-hall style. It was an elaborate day filled with crazy little details, and it was so much work and passed by so quickly. I'm not even really sure how much weddings really have to do with love, or a deep lasting commitment you make to another person. That being said, it was still a super fun day and I love looking back at the photos and remembering the excitement of the time, and how wonderful it was to be surrounded by so many people who loved us. If you want a recap of the entire event, you can find it here:

Part I, Part II
Part III, Part IV
Part V

This photo here is from our engagement session with our brilliant photographer, Curtis Moore. It would have been taken roughly around the time of our anniversary, since our wedding wasn't too long after. We don't really celebrate our wedding anniversary anymore, and rather just focus on our "together" anniversary, since our wedding day was really just an arbitrary day in time when we made it legal, and we've been committed to each other since day one. It's like counting the number of years since you first ate spaghetti together - arbitrary, really. But counting years since the day my life was forever changed and made ever brighter, now that is a milestone worth marking on the calendar, in my opinion.


This next photo cracks me up, cracks me right up. This is us on our fifth anniversary, approximately a year after our wedding. I'm extremely pregnant (though in reality no more pregnant than I currently am) and carrying a few extra pounds that are definitely not baby. Matt looks hilarious too, and he agrees. When you get married you're supposed to "let yourself go" right? We are soooo gone in this photo it's hysterical.

For our fifth year, the plan was never to start our family. That plan changed very shortly after our wedding, when we decided we didn't want to wait and that we were soooo ready. HA. Again, famous last words. I'm not sure you're ever ready for pregnancy, or bringing a child into your life. Ever. Ever ever. We thought we were, though. And we look so hopeful in this photo. I love that our anniversary always occurs around Christmas time, it makes the whole time of year that much more special really. I also love that there are Christmas trees in the background of all of our photos. For this particular anniversary, we went to the Inn at the Forks for a night, and had dinner at the Spaghetti Factory. Aside from my serious waddle walking and aching hips, it was so much gluten-filled fun.

That year we also did all of the construction on the basement suite in my mother-in-law's house, and moved into it. We spent time prepping the nursery and learning about boundaries and all kinds of fun stretching and growing stuff. It wasn't a challenging first year of marriage, but it definitely brought with it some new lessons.

With our sixth year came the birth of our first baby boy, Oliver. Matt was an incredible support through that entire experience, and though he was essentially useless as far as his university education was concerned, he was an amazing rock for me. That was one of the hardest times of my entire life. Delivering a baby SO not according to the birth plan, and then figuring out how to keep it alive when you yourself are actually still just a baby (we really were.) Not to mention the fact the he was extremely collicky, large, and demanding and I'm an extremely sensitive and naturally nurturing person. Man oh man did we spend hours rocking that year. Rocking and rocking and rocking and rocking...

For our sixth anniversary (pictured right) we spent the night at the Viscount Gort hotel and brought Oliver along with us. My mom and her boyfriend came to our room to keep an eye on him while we went out for dinner and a movie, all fancied up. It was nice to celebrate an anniversary without a giant baby belly in the way. I'm also pretty sure we saw Twilight in the theatre because it was the only movie playing that showed any real promise (seriously, the other movies were that bad.) Twilight, folks.

Our seventh year we got pregnant again! Oliver was getting bigger and we were getting better at this parenting thing, and Matt started to really figure out what he wanted to do with his life and his future, career wise. We spent the year living in the apartment suite at my mother-in-law's, and battling some new family friction challenges and some mental health struggles. But we go through it, and came out the other side alive and strong. You can't really tell how pregnant I am in this photo because of my coat, but it's there. There's a large baby boy there.

That was the year we found out we were having a boy, we started reaching out and trying to make new friends again, and started saving money. My photography business exploded and we learned what it was like to both work full time, with a baby, and another one on the way. For our seventh anniversary we went to the Spaghetti Factory again, and I believe we spent the night at the Holiday Inn. What can I say, pregnancy and gluten go hand-in-hand for me.

In our eighth year, Theodore was born and his birth was incredible and beautiful and not hard at all. That year Matt graduated from Red River College and got his first real job working downtown in the big city. We also finally saved up enough for our first home and bought one! It was so much closer to so many family members and friends. We moved, we made many lasting new friendships, and finally got to taste real grown-up life and independence. We bought a twelve foot Christmas tree. We settled in. We reached maximum happiness. We felt like all of our dreams were coming true, it was a phenomenal year.

I do not remember where we went for our eighth anniversary (pictured left) but I bet you it was the Spaghetti Factory again. Damn you, pasta and endless breadsticks... I know my mom came over to babysit again, and I know we didn't spend the night at a hotel this time, sadly. Buying a new house is expensive, it turns out. Who knew?

Our ninth year was probably our most challenging one of our lives. Together we battled some very severe mental health issues, including anxiety and depression which were crippling. We overcame some more family-friction issues. Matt had to struggle through an hour long commute one-way each day until he found a new job closer to home (thank goodness.) A lot of work was missed though, so he could support me. That year we also found out we were pregnant, twice. And devastatingly found out that we weren't anymore, twice.


For our ninth anniversary we went to Falcon Trails resort with our very close friends Erin & Jesse for two nights, and played board games, and ate delicious food, and made a fresh crackling fire every morning. Matt sang to me a surprise song he'd prepared with Jesse accompanying on piano, and gave me a beautiful new ring and made me feel incredible. I spent some time in a hot tub, and we saw Interstellar in the theatre, and it was so great. It was just such an amazing anniversary.

Our tenth year has been nothing short of incredible. Matt is feeling so fulfilled at his job, and the days fly by quickly because he's so busy and important there. I started seeing a therapist that helped me work through a lot of my mental health issues and am feeling so stable and secure almost every day. We found out we were pregnant again and the pregnancy has been fairly easy (aside from a few recent hiccups that turned out to be nothing at all - I'll talk more about that another day.) My boys play together so nicely, and we had such an amazing summer together, going to hotels and the zoo, playing at the playground and swimming lessons. We've developed such strong relationships with friends who I really consider more like family. Matt and I have discovered a deep and profound love of all things science and learning and reading, and connect on so many different levels all of the time.

And we still intensely long for each other all the live-long day.There's nothing like losing myself in his arms, or seeing him being silly with our boys, or talking to him about some new discovery I've made in the biology book I'm reading. He challenges and captivates me. He makes me strong because he reminds me that I am strong all on my own. He is entirely one half of everything that I am, though, and I would be an absolute mess without him by my side.

We haven't yet celebrated this tenth anniversary, so I don't have a commemorative anniversary photo to share, but I do have a picture of the beautiful life we've created, and I can't help but stare at it in wonder. How have we made all of this together? We've created a home, two (and a half) beautiful children, and a bond that just can't be matched. Over the years we've grown up together, and transformed from two uncertain little teenagers to two stable and secure adults who actually get it right sometimes. We've discovered who we are and who we were always meant to be. We've discovered how little we know and how much we know for sure. We have fought and laughed and cried and celebrated and mourned and after all is said and done I can honestly say that I am as crazy about this man as I ever was, if not infinitely more. We were like two little saplings growing side by side, but growing just close enough that we unintentionally grew together, grew into each other, and have become one incredible tree.

These last ten years have been the best years of my life and I know the next ten will bring new victories and challenges. I think that as long as we remember to embrace the changes, to move with the natural rhythm of our ever changing hearts, and not try to trap each other in the boxes we once fit in we'll continue to change together and love each other for the old favourites, and the new things we discover.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you mustn't work to keep things the same forever, it just isn't practical. But working toward growth and development, learning and rising to the occasion helps you see new things in one another and get to know each other in exciting, ever evolving ways. That way you'll never look at one another and think, "I don't recognize you anymore. I don't know you at all. You're not the one I fell in love with." Instead, you can look at each other and confidently know, "You are a different person today than you were yesterday, and I choose to love you just as fervently and help you be the best you that you are today." It is an honour to watch Matt grow and change, and support him in whatever direction he decides to stretch, and I am eternally grateful that he gives me that space as well, free of judgement.

So, here's to many many more years of doing this life together, babe. You are and continue to be exactly right for me. Please just never stop challenging me, and never stop singing to me. <3