05.25.15

This is me. This is what I look like. I had to turn my head a little bit because I honestly look like a crazy person straight from the front. And I had to turn it away from the window because if I want to smile with my teeth, I always have to hide my "bad side" which is of course the side of my smile where my teeth are so crooked it looks like I'm missing one. I took a photo of myself because I am a small part of this life I'm living. A small part, but a part just the same. And every so often I should document what the me of today looks like. So here I am. Hello.

I'm sitting on my bed, which is my favourite place but also probably the other member of the three-person-marriage I currently lead. When I crawl into bed at the end of a long day, it welcomes me and holds me just the way I like. It doesn't judge me, or Matt, and has bumps and curves that shape our bodies perfectly. It quietly reminds me that there's nothing left to do today, and nothing left to worry about. All that's left to do is nurture my soul and build my strength of body and mind. Like I said, it is our third spouse, and Matt wholeheartedly agrees. When we stay away at a hotel or a relative's house, we actually miss our bed, and when we see it again and thrust ourselves against it, we whisper sweet nothings into the cushions and foam, and promise to never leave again as we curse our aching backs.

This morning the boys and I played between the sheets and covers for nearly an hour, exploring linen tunnels, building duvet forts, having pillow and tickle fights, snuggling and squealing. It was something out of a dream, and I desperately held onto it for dear life, and fixed my mind in the current moment with all of my strength. I willed myself into the present and soaked it in to my very bones. If this life is sprinkled with these moments, I can imagine nothing better in this universe, and I am unbelievably grateful for the improbable but incredible opportunity to be alive and experience it.