01.14.16

My new years kiss this year was extremely cooperative. He was passed out by eleven, not really understanding the concept of New Years, and cute as can be all curled up on the couch at my mom's place. My mom kissed her boyfriend, my friends all did the same, but when the countdown ended and the happy-new-years subsided, Matt and I looked at each other and just laughed. What an arbitrary holiday, we thought together, before I knelt down beside my sleeping little puppy dog and planted one on his cheek for good luck.

There's something to be said about new beginnings, though. The most magical thing about them is that you can literally have as many as you like. It's never too late for a fresh start or a clean slate. I think that's what's so appealing about the celebration of a new year's arrival. It feels like a forced, and possibly deserved, fresh start. That being said, I think a lot of new years resolutions are about the stupidest thing ever. But looking back at an old year and remembering the lessons you learned, the hurdles you overcame, and the beautiful little pearl-like moments, now there's a lot of value in that. If for no other reason than to remind you to be grateful for your precious life, I encourage you to glance back at last year before you turn your gaze to this one.

My resolutions this year are already influencing everything about my days, and I'm hoping they carry over for the rest of my life. They're based on lessons I learned last year, and I want to make a very real effort to employ them in my day-to-day doings. I think they have real power to change my world, and my heart. Here's what I'd like to do this year:

1. Use the word "excited" instead of "nervous."

By changing my attitude, I will successfully change my heart as well. I am introverted by nature, and I carry around a secret scared little monster inside of me that tries to remind me constantly that I'm inadequate, that I'm frightened, and that there is danger lurking around every corner, and in every person and experience. I dread things long before I need to, and allow this fear to taint so much of my precious time, so from now on when I'm feeling nervous about something, I will instead declare that I am excited about it. Even from a challenging or trying experience, there is still so much to be gained. And, biologically the two emotions aren't actually all that different.

2. Let it be good enough.

I am a type-a to my very core, which often prevents me from living in the current moment and enjoying it. It also stops me from pursuing creative ventures and trying new things because I know that I can't do it perfectly. So in a lot of cases, I decide that until I can do it perfectly the first time, I'm not going to do it at all. This is absolutely crippling, and a deadly force to creative juices and positive energy! And then often, when I actually do decide I'm going to try something or do something or change something, even if it's absolutely good enough, if it isn't exactly perfect I'm unhappy with it and judgemental of myself. And others. I want to adopt a more laid back attitude (my husband can help me with that one!) and I'd like to shed my perfectionist robes. My life will never be exactly perfect, and if I live it without that goal, and accept it for exactly how it is right this minute, I know I'm going to be much more content, and miss a lot less of the good enough moments all around me.

3. Remember that it is far easier to change your expectations of others than to actually change them.

Because my expectations of myself are so high, my expectations of others often aren't too far behind. My attitude can sometimes fall into the "I'm working this hard so YOU should be working this hard, too" zone, which just isn't healthy for my spirit. I can't have the same standards for others that I have for myself - they aren't me. Instead of hoping people change, or trying to change them myself, I need to let go and allow people to be exactly who they are, and change my expectations of them. It will cause me a lot less stress in the long run, and allow me to focus more on changing my own heart.

So remind me of these things. I know that they are effective in a very real and tangible way, and the earlier I start working on these things, the more life I'll get to live with a new perspective. I anticipate mountains of joy this year, and an abundance of love and friendship and family and growth. I am so excited to see what 2016 has in store for me and my family and my dear friends, and I hope I remember to take you along for the ride, too, because I love to share little pieces of my life with you. I do, I truly do. :-)